Ten Things I Hate About the Joker
by Redstorm of Scar Pack
Summary: Kat Stratford visits the Joker during his capture in the MCU. One-shot.


_"So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit."_

_- Alan Moore; The Killing Joke_

* * *

Kat didn't know what to think. She stood in the interrogation room, the lights dimmed. Gordon and the other cops, their faces looking as though they were made of gauze, peered into the glass divider panels. Reluctant though Gordon was, his team agreed to let Kat question the deranged, psychopathic clown.

The blue lights came on, revealing the mass-murdering psychopath himself. Kat tried her hardest to keep a straight face. She couldn't believe how grotesque he looked. _After all these years, he's really let himself go..._

"Well, hello, _beautiful," _he hissed at her, twisting his fingers in full view of Commissioner Gordon. "It's been a while."

"Yes, it has," Kat agreed. "I haven't seen you since..."

"_Don't say it," _the Joker snapped.

Kat nodded curtly, jumping with surprise at his sudden tone. She reminded herself that this was her old high school boyfriend, Patrick. And he would never hurt her.

Nervously, Kat licked her dry lips, racking her brain for something to talk about. "Your eyes still have that little green in them."

That made him smirk a bit. "And how does that have any bearing on your part?"

"It doesn't," Kat admitted. "It was just nice to see."

The Joker shrieked with laughter. "You still are the same uptight little shrew, even after all these years."

Commissioner Gordon looked on, dumbfounded at this girl's delicate conversation with the madman. Wrenching open the door, he stood between the room and the hallway. "I swear, if you even _think _of hurting her_," _he hissed, "I won't hesitate to give you a lesson in manners!"

Kat, ever the witty, sharp-tongued feminist, snapped, "Save it,_ Commissioner. _I have everything under control."

"Evidently," Jim Gordon snarled. "Now get to the actual interrogation. We don't have all day."

"Watch your tongue, Gordon," the Joker purred. "Or should I give _you_ a lesson in manners?" Following his little remark came his deep rumbling cackle that rooted Kat to the spot. Goosebumps appeared on her flesh, and the clown, ever the fastest, hauled her onto his lap and stroked her skin delicately, leather against skin.

Gordon leered at the deranged killer. "Just don't push it."

The Joker smirked as the Commissioner slammed the door behind him. "So, _dollface. _What's new?"

"Why don't we talk about you instead?" Kat hissed, sliding off his lap. "Where is Dent?"

A sudden grin appeared instead of the grotesque Chelsea Smile. "Those mob fools want Batman gone so they can get back to _the way things were," _he whispered, gesturing with his blackened fingers. "But I know the truth. There's no going back. He's changed things. Forever."

"Then why do you want to kill him?" Kat inquired, her eyes blazing a cold flame.

A bubble of laughter spluttered out from between the red lips. "I don't _want to kill him!" _the Joker giggled. "What would I do without him?"

"I don't know," Kat suggested. "Go back to ripping off mob dealers?"

He grinned. "So you _have _missed me. Keeping up with my...job."

"I might have," she said curtly. "What have you done with him?"

"Don't worry, _gorgeous, _I'll tell you where they are. _Both_ of them. And that's the point. You'll have to _choose: _your _friend_, Rachael Dawes, or her _husband-to-be_."

Kat slapped him square in the jaw. He responded by giggling uncontrollably, causing her to groan in frustration. A lesson in adequate manners would _not _suffice.

"Just tell me," Kat moaned, tears springing into her eyes, and the Joker stopped abruptly, deciding instead to pull her towards him.

"Does Rachael know about you and her little groom?" he inquired, brushing her tears away with his leather gloves. "Hmm? I _will _tell you, you know, but only for a price..." At this, Kat stiffened. What could the Joker possibly want of her?

And then the deranged clown smirked at her and edged her closer. They were so close, they could...

"Kiss," Kat whispered, and the Joker nodded happily, like a dog with it's head out the window. "_Fine."_

Kat resisted the impulse to slap him, and leaned forward so their lips crushed together. Even for a psychopathic killer, Kat couldn't deny he still had it in him. Those soft lips really were soothing...

The Joker smirked, and true to his word, he released her and whispered, "He's on 250 52nd Street, and _she's _on Avenue X, at Cicero."

Kat shoved him roughly to the side, and the Joker's maniacal laughter erupted behind her as she left, as if someone had told him an amusing joke.

Commissioner Gordon slammed the door to the interrogation room, appearing beside her as she ran. "Which one are you going after?" he shouted, glasses askew.

Kat merely glanced at him before answering, "Harvey."

* * *

_"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." _

_- Friedrich Nietzche_


End file.
